When Fear of Fear Holds You Back

0:00Hey friend, welcome to the Art and Soul Show. I'm your host Lisa DeJaso, a mom, a photographer, and entrepreneur. Tune in here for pep talks, conversations, and advice on photography, creativity, mindset, business, life, and that messy in between. This is the place where you can go when you need a boost of encouragement, a kick in the pants, and inspiration to pick up your camera. This is the Art and Soul Show. Hey friend, welcome back for another pep talk.

0:30Today we're talking about fear, when fear of fear holds you back. So today I want to talk about something that really doesn't always get named, but we all feel it. It's not just fear itself, it's actually the fear of fear. The second layer where it's not even the thing we're scared of. It's the anticipation of being afraid that keeps us stuck. The dread, the what ifs, the spiral of I'll probably mess it up, I'll look stupid, I will feel embarrassed, and so on. So instead of

1:01moving forward, we avoid. And the funny thing is, in photography this shows up everywhere. Not just when we're starting out, but even years into our careers. Think about learning manual mode. It's not the dials or the numbers that are scary. What's really scary is the moment you're in front of a client or even a friend and you fumble. The fear isn't the setting itself, it's a possibility of feeling incompetent. So instead of pushing through that awkward stage of practicing, we stay in auto

1:32and we tell ourselves it's good enough or clients won't notice. But deep down we know, we're avoiding the fear of looking silly. Or maybe it's lighting. You buy a beautiful set of studio lights, you're excited, you know, they'll level up your work, but they sit in the corner for months. Every time you glance at them, you think one day, but if you're really honest, the reason you haven't set them up is just because of that fear of fear. What if I don't understand how to use them? What if the photos turn out

2:03terrible? What if my client is watching while I'm fiddling with the cords and the buttons, or the light won't turn on? The lights themselves aren't scary. It's the possibility of feeling unprepared, exposed, or out of control that's really stopping you. And for me, one of my big ones has been learning to use a Wacom pen. And I bought it because I knew it would make editing smoother and more precise. And honestly, every photographer I admire swears by theirs, but instead of plugging it in

2:37and practicing, it is sat there on my desk. And honestly, I've bought three of them for all my different computers. Why? Because I'm afraid of that awkward stage. I am so impatient. I'm afraid of feeling clumsy with it, of my hands just being slow and not matching what my brain is doing. And I don't want editing taking me twice as long instead of half the time. So I keep going back to my mouse. And every time I do, it feels like I'm editing with a giant big toe. And I know the Wacom will make my life easier once I push through it and push through the learning curve. But that fear of fear

3:11keeps me reaching for the familiar, even when the familiar is harder. This shows up in sessions too. So with newborns, maybe you've been avoiding trying a pose that you know is safe, but it's new to you. Not because the pose itself is scary, but because you're maybe afraid the baby won't settle. And the parents will think you don't know what you're doing. With families, maybe it's trying something different or trying a silly game or a playful prompt or a playful game. Because what if

3:42it flops? What if kids just stare at you blankly? What if the parent thinks, this is weird? You're not afraid of the games itself. You're afraid of the few seconds of discomfort if it doesn't work. And here's the reality. Clients don't see failure the way you do. Most of the time, they don't even notice when something doesn't go to plan. They don't know you had three other poses in your head. They don't know the baby didn't go into the pose you wanted. They don't know the silly prompt didn't land. They just see connection and fun and affection and love. We're the ones that are spinning out in the fear of

4:17fear. They're usually just happy to be there. So fear of fear just loves to sneak in when we're on the edge of trying something new as well. Maybe you have been thinking about offering artwork sales. You'd love to see your images hanging like canvases in people's homes. But you stop yourself because you're afraid of feeling salesy. It's not the actual conversation with clients that's scary. It's the thought of possibly feeling awkward. Or maybe you want to launch a new package or raise your prices.

4:50Your work is worth it. You know it is. But the anticipation of hearing no, the thought of rejection makes you freeze. You don't even give people the chance to say yes because you're avoiding that moment of fear. Or maybe it's a creative experiment. You've always wanted to try maybe a double exposure or maybe a fine art composite or a storytelling session or self-portraits that push you out of your norm. But you don't. Because what if it doesn't turn out? What if it's embarrassing?

5:20What if people don't get it? The experiment itself isn't scary. It's the possibility of fear that keeps you stuck. Fear of fear even shows up when it comes to being visible. Maybe you've thought about entering a print competition or applying for a mentorship or submitting your work for publication or applying to teach with the Milky Way. But you don't. Because you're afraid of critique. Not the critique itself, but the feeling of being critiqued. That hot cheek discomfort. That little voice that

5:53says, see I knew I wasn't good enough. Maybe it's social media. You hold back from sharing behind the scenes or talking on camera. Because what if people judge you? What if my voice shakes? What if I say um too much? What if I'm too much? It's not the act of posting or showing up that's scary. It's the fear of feeling embarrassed that even keeps you from hitting record. And let's talk about failing. Fear of fear keeps us from experimenting. And experimentation is where the magic happens. Maybe you've avoided a new

6:30editing style because you're worried it won't look perfect right away. Maybe you've avoided giving a new lens a try because what if the photos aren't what you envisioned? Here's the truth. Failing is part of mastery. Nobody skips it. Every photographer you admire has a folder full of bad photos that they'll never show. But they wouldn't be where they are if they hadn't been willing to walk through the fear. I've sat on ideas. I have so many. I put off projects. I get scared to show up on camera. I've even

7:05turned down opportunities all because my fear of fear. And you know what? You know what I've learned? Once you're in it, the fear almost never feels as bad as you imagine. Once you're in the session or actually start playing with that light, once you try that pose, the anticipation is always worse than the reality. So how do we deal with it? The first step really is to name it. Notice when you're avoiding something and ask yourself, am I really afraid of this? Or am I just afraid of the feeling of fear?

7:40Just calling it out takes away some of its power. So second, lean into it in small doses. Try one new lighting setup with a model friend before using it on a client. Raise your prices for one package instead of giving of everything at once. Give yourself safe experiments where the stakes feel lower. And third, shift from control to curiosity. Instead of thinking, what if I fail? Try, I wonder what I'll learn. Fear loses its grip when you treat it as information and not as a stop sign. Here's what I want

8:16you to remember. Fear of fear is sneaky. It doesn't feel like a big screen monster. It feels like procrastination or perfectionism or overthinking. It feels like telling yourself you'll try later on. But on the other side of fear, that's where our growth actually lives. And that's where confidence lives. That's where growth lives. That's where confidence builds. That's where you realize it's not nearly as scary as you made out to be. So if you've been sitting on an idea or a skill or a style or a

8:48business decision because of fear of fear, this is your little nudge. Take the step, my friend. Not because you won't feel fear, because you show yourself that you can walk through it. And once you do, the cure shrinks. All right, my friend, that's what I've got for you today. I'd love to hear from you. Where has fear of fear been showing up for you lately? Share with me in the comments, because I promise you are not alone in this. I am sending you so much of my light and love

9:20today and every single day. I'll see you next time.