The Habits that shape our lives

Opening chat and Halloween costumes

0:00Jim Carroll, Ralph Baber, psychology takeaway. You need a dose of the real, life's absurd. We know the deal. Did you hear? Don't let it get you down. Turn that frown. Upside down, upside down, upside down, upside down, upside down. Hi, Ralph. Hey, Jim. How are you doing today? I'm great, Ralph. And guess what, Ralph? We have a guest in the studio. We do. Hi there. Hey, good morning, guys. This is Alex, our producer and technician and executive director. You wear a lot of hats, Alex. Yeah, I have two today. I like the hats. Oh, both of them. Okay. Yes. Which one do you like best? I like the colonial three-corner hat. Okay. Is that what you're going to wear for Halloween?

0:57Uh, no. I don't think I'm dressing up this year. Okay. Well, Ralph and I are dressed up every day of the year. Right, Ralph? Right. And, uh, we're going, uh, this Halloween as, uh, the witch, the lion, and the wardrobe. Uh, Alex is going to be the lion, Jim is going to be the witch, and I'm going to be the wardrobe. Okay. That's the, uh. It's the piece of furniture. The piece of furniture? Yes. I can just see that, too. Your wife can put you into a wardrobe, make some holes on the side and holes on the bottom, and you kind of boom, boom, boom. Kind of like Charlie Brown. Right. Going from house to house. Yeah. Looking for the great pumpkin. Oh, that's Linus. Yes. Yeah. Well, you'll get coal, Ralph. I can tell you that. Okay.

1:50We've been kind of spooked out. We've been looking for a particularly ghostly version of Hotel California. So we'll see if we can get that one, um, uh, down below under learn more. We don't violate anybody's copyright. Right? Right, Alex? Okay.

Bad habits and potato chips

2:06Okay. Yeah. We're trying to get monetized here, right? Right. Now, Ralph, the nature of the show here today is habits. It is. And how about you? Do you have any, let's start, start with bad habits. Do you have any bad habits? I do. No. Yes. I can't believe that. My bad habits. My bad habit is, uh, found in that, uh, that overly wonderful thing called potato chips.

2:38Mm. And. Too many potato chips? Too many potato chips. So. I thought you had kind of, I don't give it up on him because tapered off. Tapered off, yes. Well, I was talking to Alec earlier on and I, I told him what I'd done. Uh, basically what I said is, okay, I buy a party size bag of potato chips. And you'll eat them until they're gone? On payday. Uh-huh.

3:10And I eat them until they're gone and then I don't buy any more until next payday. Uh-huh. Okay. So, that's my way of limiting. Uh-huh. Now, it's, is it effective? Well, it's effective only in the sense that, you know, I don't jump into the car and go over to the grocery store and buy two bags. Uh, if I only buy one bag, if it's a party size, it lasts four days.

3:41Uh-huh. Okay. So, the next payday is two weeks away. Uh, so I've got- Yeah. Ten days of abstinence. Of abstinence. Okay. So, I figure that's, that's a way. But here's the thing. Um, everybody who has bad habits has, uh, four stages. Uh, cue of some kind. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Craving. Uh-huh. Response.

4:11Uh-huh. And reward. Uh-huh. So, somebody who is, let's say, looking at, um, television. Yes. And they see, uh, a Pizza Hut ad. Okay. And they say, oh, I want a pizza.

4:34Advertisers know how to do this, Ralph. Yep. And that's, that's the cue. Uh-huh. Okay. It starts the craving. I want a pizza. Uh-huh. The response is I pick up my phone and order a pizza for delivery. Uh-huh. The reward is eating the pizza. Right. Now, at the end of eating, uh, a large pizza- Ralph, this is just too academic for me. I mean, you're, you're wallowing in pizza, you're wallowing in potato chips. Just knock it off. Okay? Okay. All right.

Building positive routines

5:05Do you have any good habits? Let's take a look. Let's turn this thing around. Yes. How about good habits that, and what is a good habit? Well, a good habit might be something like, um, some weeks ago, my, uh, physiotherapist, uh, cause I'm, um, I have weaker legs because I'm full. Hey, we're all seeing physiotherapists, Ralph. Okay. So, anyway, she says, okay, here's your homework.

5:35Uh-huh. And she gave me three exercises to do. Okay. So, I am in the process of building, uh, the habit of doing those three exercises, which only take about 15 minutes. Okay. Every day. Okay. Okay. So, something that's good that you do on a regular basis constitutes a habit. Yes. Okay. Now, here's the thing, Jim. You have said in the past, I don't know if you've said it, uh, during the podcast or not,

6:09but how long does it take to instill a habit? I think about 49 days. Okay. Is that arbitrary or was that actually? Well, there's some research that suggests that you have to do it and do it until you get it right. You know? So, 49 days, I've heard 55, but in- That's pretty close to 49. In, in that range. So, you have to do something on the order of, um, what, uh, two months, every day, practice,

6:43et cetera. And you say, okay, now I've got this habit. Mm-hmm. And so, you can say, well, this habit is really good. Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, I do it all, every day, uh, it only takes me 15 minutes and I feel better. Okay. Yeah. Same thing. I've noticed the two of you have a good habit of setting rules for your bad habits, which is probably what has really helped you both be successful through your life and careers.

7:15The ability to- Yes. You know, set a good habit to counteract the bad habit. A rule. A rule. A rule. A rule, yeah. And I think some people don't have the gumption, like, being self-aware enough to, like, set that rule. Being like, I've noticed, I do this. Yeah. So, make a rule. Yeah. Hold yourself accountable to the rule. Yeah. Well, in the words of Jimmy Buffett, we do have a bank of bad habits. Yeah. Well- Kind of an ATM full of bad habits. Here's one of the things, though, that a lot of people seem to have trouble with, and that

7:54is taking responsibility for their own life. Mm-hmm. Yep. So, you know, you say to yourself, well, what do you mean, take responsibility for my life? Well, for example, you could say, I have a bad habit, and I know it. Mm-hmm. How can I control it? Yeah. Maybe I can't eliminate it, but could I reduce it? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm responsible for my life.

8:25Yeah. Yeah. Even if it is your mom's fault. So, my ex-wife, she thinks that I blame other people, but I'm like, no, I'm aware of my bad habits, and I know where they came from, but I'm not blaming my mom. I'm just aware of that's where it came from. And so, I, you know, consciously try to be like, that's something my mom would say. I'm not going to say that, actually, you know? Yeah. Oh, okay. Self-edit here, you know what I mean? Yeah. We've got to be aware, even if we know where it comes from.

Long range goals and making the bed

8:50So, let me ask you a question. Do you, for example, do you know what you want to accomplish in the next five years? How about, do you know what you want to accomplish in the next day? Well, no, I guess I can answer the first one. I do, in the next five years, I want to make $10,000 to $30,000 more a year than I currently make. Okay. So, economic reward. Yeah, I'd like to take a vacation, like, and actually be able to afford, you know, not

9:22living paycheck to paycheck. That's my goal for the next five years. Okay. Get back on top. So, then one of the things you say is, okay, does that involve, does it have to involve changing your career or does it involve growing within your career? See, that's where I'm trying to figure that out, right? Like, I have the opportunity to use some tuition waivers to maybe better my career here and, you know, leverage that to different pay or a different responsibility maybe here.

9:56Or, I am not opposed to learning a skill that AI might have a little bit of a harder time displacing, at least in the next couple of years. But, who knows, man? Like, the next five years are really crazy right now. Yeah. Like, robots are really, have you looked into it? They're churning them out. Yeah. We're, we're going to be in, you're going to see humanoid robots within the next five years, probably walking around. Well, Alex. Maybe within the next two. Alex. They're making thousands a year. It's incredible.

10:26Ralph died four years ago. You're a robot. You're human. You're a humanoid. Yes. They didn't just replace the hip when you went in. I'm a cyborg. Yeah. But, you know, the thing is, you can say to yourself, okay.

10:41I know, I know what my goal is. Mm-hmm. Long range. Now, there's a difference between a goal and a plan. Mm-hmm. So, you can say, okay, well, I know what I want to accomplish. Yeah. Now. Now, establish a plan to get there. Yeah. To get there. It's the roadmap. Yeah. My plan so far has been saying yes to any additional opportunities I get, but it's barely chipping away at it, you know? No. Just getting some petty cash, some extra spending, lightening the burden of the monthly expenditures,

11:16but at the cost of, you know, I only see my kids one day a weekend instead of two days in the weekend. Yeah. Yeah. So. I'm burning out, man. There are benefits and costs to establishing anything. Yeah. Down below under learn more, oops, sorry there, microphone. Yeah, the microphone is talking to me now. I put it really close to you today. Yeah, okay. We have one that we've used before. We have the Admiral down there. Remember that one, Ralph? I do.

11:47And what does he say? He says, make your bed. Every day. Yes, because then you start the day with having achieved something. I believe that. And even if you have a really bad day, you come home and your bed is made. And if you want to get real fancy, leave a chocolate on your pillow. Let me feel like you're at a nice hotel too. I like that. You'll think, you know, when you get home, you'll be like, wow, thanks, passed me. Look at that. What service here? Yep. I have, as a psychologist, I've worked with a lot of people.

12:19You know, most of the people have been kids. I like kids. I like working with teenagers. You can make the most impact there for the whole life too. Not adults so much. Yeah, ship has sailed on that. Yeah.

12:33But, you know, I've talked to several adults and I've told them about the making the bed thing. Yeah. And they just don't want to do it. You know, it's just not, and I look at the rest of their life. It's a good practice to be like, well, if you can't even set a rule for yourself to follow that's that simple, how are you going to set a rule where you only buy chips on payday? It's exactly it. Like if you can't even make yourself do that one thing you don't want to do. Yeah. You're going to take a loan out so you can buy some more chips. Now, let's be fair to them. Some people toss and turn, right, and sleep like crazy.

13:07I don't. So making my bed is real easy. I just pull up the sheet or pull up the comforter. It takes two seconds. Most days, right? Maybe throw a pillow back up to where it belongs. Some people make a nest. So, you know. I've seen that, yes. Yeah. But the thing is, if you make a nest and you say, okay, I don't want to make my bed because I've got a really nice nest. It's just the way I like it, right? And you crawl into it again, and then you're going to say, you know, when I got out of bed this morning, this nest was really nice, but right now it doesn't work for me.

13:42Exactly. And so you toss and turn and roll around, and then in the morning you get up and say, oh, that nest was really nice. So the thing is, you might as well make the bed. Because you're going to make a new nest. You have to, like, yeah. It has to be adjusted. It has to be adjusted. Yeah.

Optimism and healthy addictions

13:58So, you know, if we look at habits, we want to look at positive habits, habits of the heart. One that we could look at, one that I've been working on for myself, is procrastination. So I'm better at not procrastinating, which is kind of a negative to say something positive. But a habit that some people could, I suppose, get into is a habit of optimism versus pessimism. We know a lot of pessimistic people.

14:29Yeah. And, you know, there are a lot of people who are wandering around today saying the world is going to hell in a handbasket. They've been saying that for millennia, Ralph. We didn't start the fire, right? Yeah. And, you know, if we go back to Plato in the years of the Greek philosophers, Plato said, the youth of our nation are running amok and of no worth. If Plato could only see us now. If Plato could only see TikTok. Yeah. He'd love it.

15:00Ten minutes on TikTok, he'd be like, we're cooked. Yeah. But the thing is, you know, when we look at optimism and we say, okay, I believe things are better.

15:13Well, yeah, we live like kings. We don't have dirt floors. We got climate control. We're living like kings. Right. But the thing is, you know. As we spiral into this AI robot future. Is this an anti-AI rant over here, Ralph? Oh, things are changing, man. The thing is now you could say, okay, what can I do? How can I come up with good solutions? Good solutions benefit everybody. So look, when you're trying to establish good habits, look for habits not only that benefit me, like doing my exercises, but I think it benefits my wife because I feel better.

15:53It benefits the neighbors because I'm more cheery. Yeah. You know. Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers and the habit could be the helper. Yeah. A good habit. A good habit. Yeah. So. Get addicted to good habits. Addicted to good habits. I like that one. There's an actor who had addiction issues with drugs and they said, well, now I'm just addicted to like meditating and like yoga and all this other stuff. And people find that less annoying because it's like a healthy addiction.

16:24But he goes, he says, I'm just as addicted to it as I was heroin. It's just my new drug because I have an addictive personality. Yeah. So people don't seem to mind the good. Good addictions. Yeah. Get addicted to something beneficial for you. Yeah. Well, something. Like making your bed. Get addicted to making your bed. It's less fun. Something that's not going to kill you. Well, yeah. But. I've never done heroin. So making your bed is probably not as much fun as that, but it's good for you. And if you have a partner that's sleeping in the bed, you know, don't make the bed until the partner gets out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They don't sound like that.

16:56Yeah. So good habits.

17:00We asked our coffee providers the other day, you know, about good habits. And she had a tough time coming up with one, but she said something to the effect of, I try to avoid bad habits. I try to avoid bad things. Okay. That's, you know. That's a good thing to avoid. Yeah. So, Alex, thank you for being on screen with us today.

17:32Thanks for having me. And I like your hat. I really do. I think that. It's growing on me. Yeah. I think that hopefully it's not growing. It could, you know, I do see some tendrils coming down. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you might go out trick-or-treating as a pirate. Yeah. Yeah. Hat in hand, so to speak. Trick-or-treat. Arr. Arr. And then just put it right back on there. Yeah. We're trying to, we're debating what to give out at our house for trees. And I talked to the grandkids yesterday and they said, you know, candy, that's their default,

18:06you know, sugar. You know, M&M, bags of M&M's, bags of, you know, some sort of a gummy treat thingy. I was going for potato chips, Ralph. I was going to give out potato chips. And so I'll probably see you at the door, right? Yes. Okay, because it's more than four days after payday and you've run out of chips. I'm running low. He's fiending. And of course- You got those chips, too. Being dyslexic, I'm the only guy who went out on Halloween and did trick-or-trout.

18:37Oh. Well, Mike isn't with us today, but he would probably enjoy trick-or-trout. Yeah. He's probably out trout fishing now, right? Mm-hmm. Michael, that's probably where he's at. Yeah. Michael, if you're watching this, I hope the fish are biting.

18:52Anyway, before we sign off, we should always remind our listeners and viewers that it's very important to build up the habit of keeping our stick on the ice. Absolutely. Because we're all in this together.

19:12Good segue.

19:18Hey, Ralph. I can hardly wait to see what we're going to do on Halloween. Are you going to have a scary face? Just my regular one. It's scary enough. Oh, thanks. I think I might have been too close to the mic. I think I might have been too close to the mic.