What's a familect? The words only your family uses

Defining family language and origins

0:00Grammar Girl here. I'm Mignon Fogarty. Does your family have a word or phrase that nobody else uses? Well, if so, you have what's called a familect, and today we're going to talk about where they come from. The name familect is a combination of the words family and dialect. If a dialect is a language of people of a certain region or group, and an idiolect is one person's

0:31way of speaking, then a familect is one family's way of speaking. People have shared many funny examples over the years. For example, Caroline's father calls the microwave Chernobyl, and Norma's family calls pants Rawls because they're the bottom part of overalls. Familects strengthen people's bonds because they remind them of shared experiences. Here's an example from my family. A while ago, I was working on a novel, and the main character's name was Spark. Well,

1:03when my writer's group got to chapter four, one guy said, it just feels like Spark is going to give up. So that is not something you want people to say about your main character, and we all laughed. But now when I'm losing steam on a project, like I don't want to finish planting all the plants I bought, Pat will look at me and say, is it chapter four? So chapter four has become a familect, a shortcut for wanting to give up. When Pat asks if it's chapter four,

1:34he is pointing back to an experience I shared with him, and it's gentle teasing that's become a shared memory. Over the years, people have sent me a lot of familects, and I've noticed that they tend to fall into a few categories. If you've ever studied how new words are formed in English, some of these will sound familiar because they're the same ways new words get into the

Situational humor and shared stories

1:55language as a whole. Now, the first category is what I call situational humor. Chapter four is one of these, and it's my favorite type of familect because there's usually a story behind it. Here's a caller with one in this category that I especially loved. Hi, Grammar Girl. My name is Sheila from California, and I am calling to share my familect story. So a few years ago, my dad was getting ready to retire, and he was looking for new hobbies to do with his spare time and decided to give adult

2:28coloring books a try. Now, instead of just using the many art supplies we already had in the house, he decided to order $90 worth of Sharpies online. My mom and my sister and I thought this was kind of excessive, but he really just did not think it was a big deal at all. So now my family uses the phrase Sharpie money to describe an amount of money that's somewhat significant in a way that makes it seem smaller than it really is, especially if we're encouraging someone to splurge on something.

2:59For example, if my sister wants to go to Disneyland but isn't sure if she wants to spend $130 on a ticket, I might say, only $130? Come on, that's Sharpie money. Thanks so much for doing the show. I love it a lot. Bye. So Sharpie money is a fun, useful phrase, but I'm sure every time they use it, they also fondly think of their dad and the way he tried to take advantage of his retirement. And here's one more where you know they remember this great vacation every time they

3:30use their familect. Hi, Grammar Girl. This is Tom from Louisville, Kentucky. I have a familect phrase for you. My family uses the phrase going to Wisconsin. Years ago, my wife and her mother were on a road trip driving across Illinois headed for Chicago. They were having a wonderful time engaging in nearly constant conversation as they traveled. Suddenly, one of them interrupted the other and said with some alarm in her voice, did that sign we just passed say welcome to Wisconsin? As it turned out, they were so involved in their conversation that they managed to drive right

4:02by Chicago and end up in Wisconsin. So now whenever someone in the family is driving and misses their exit or gets lost because they were distracted by something else, or for other instances, when we do something silly because we were distracted, we might say that person was going to Wisconsin. Thanks for all your work on the podcast, Grammar Girl. Bye. To build up familects, people usually have to spend a lot of time together. You need chances to use your words. And an Atlantic article suggested that families were making more of them during the early days of the pandemic, when everyone was home together so much. And a lot of familects I heard

Wordplay and foreign phrases

4:37about from that time fell into this next category, which is wordplay. For example, one family calls spatulas flipper dippers, and another family calls moving toward something towardizing. For a while, I also got a lot of calls about words that were especially specific to that time. And I think making up new words helped people talk about and understand all the new experiences and feelings we were having. Here are a couple of those familects that are wordplay words.

5:08Hey, Mignon, this is DJ calling from Atlanta, and I have a familect story related to the pandemic. It's actually two words. First is masknesia, spelled M-A-S-K-N-E-S-I-A. It's when I interact with someone in the real world, and then 15 minutes later, I start to wonder if they had a mask on or not, and just cannot remember. This stresses me out, which leads to the next familect. Nomistphobia, spelled just like it sounds, no maskphobia. It's the fear of interacting with someone

5:40who's not wearing a mask. You can experience it live or after the fact. In other words, if you have both nomistphobia and masknesia, then you're really going to be stressed because you can't for the life of you remember whether the person had a mask on, and you're afraid you might have contracted COVID. Thanks for letting me share. Love your podcast. See ya. Another kind of familect comes from an older person in the family who didn't speak English. They use a word from their language, and the rest of the family adopts it.

6:10Sometimes the word gets misheard, so the family doesn't pronounce it the way it's pronounced in the original language. And sometimes the meaning changes, too. Here's Jasmine, whose father grew up speaking Yiddish with his parents and grandparents. Hi, Grammar Girl. My name is Jasmine, and I had a familect story I wanted to share with you. In my family, our familect is pretty complicated or unique because my father grew up speaking Yiddish with his parents and grandparents. And so some of the words have made its way into our familect,

6:44but not necessarily always keeping their original meaning. And so it's only when I got older and started, you know, really researching my heritage more and hearing more of the Yiddish language that I realized this. So one example of that is punim. Punim means face, but that's not how we used it in my family. In my family, punim meant grumpy. But in kind of a cutesy way, like you would say to a little kid, like, oh, look who woke up from their nap. They're being a punim. Or why do you have to be a

7:15punim today? Well, I found out later on that I guess when I was little, I had a face. I would make a real grumpy face and they'd go, there it is. There's the punim. And apparently it just evolved over time until that means grumpy in my family. So we're using really Yiddish words, but it's kind of interesting how families just have them take on their own meaning. That's one of my familect stories. And I love to hear all yours. So thank you. Bye. So Jasmine's family uses a real Yiddish word, but with a meaning that belongs only to them. And here's one from someone also named Sheila

7:51that comes from a Belgian great-grandmother. Hi, Mian. This is Sheila from Calgary, Alberta. Our familect is a foreign phrase. My dad used to tell us when we'd ask his kids what was for supper. And his grandmother, so my great-grandmother used to tell him when he was a kid. It's a Belgian phrase, I'm told, and I probably am murdering pronunciation. And it is east-defin, no-stefin, which I was told is a little bit of this and a little bit of that called mixed together.

8:24Brings out memories of me. My dad died when I was 18, which is 40-plus years ago. So I can't ask him how to pronounce it anymore. Thanks. Bye. Another category I love, and it's a big one,

Family famous figures and children words

8:37is what I call a word about someone who is family famous. I get calls about these all the time. You might not be famous out in the world, but you can be famous to a particular family, and they might immortalize you in their familect. Here's a caller whose family had a boarder named Nigel. Hi, Mignon. My name is Bruce, and I have a familect story for you. In the 70s, when we were a newly married couple, my wife and I had a man boarding with us. His name was Nigel. In the evenings,

9:07when the three of us were watching TV or listening to music, my wife would often bring out a plate of cookies or donuts or whatever to snack on. Sometimes there would be just one of those left on the plate. After a while, Nigel would break it in half, eat that half, and leave the other half for someone else. We would say, it's okay. We've had enough. Finish it off. No way. After a while, he'd break the half in half, eat his quarter, and leave a quarter for someone else. This went on to ridiculous extents until there was barely a crumb left. No matter how much we reassured him he could finish it off, he would not. Ever. We guessed he'd been brought up to always

9:43leave some for others. This happened so often that it entered into family legend, and to this day, 50 years later, throughout our extended family, if someone breaks the last of something in half and leaves a half, one of us will say, I see you're Nigeling that cookie. Or someone will say, there's no need to Nigel that. Go ahead. Take it all. That's how in our family, Nigel the border's name became Nigel the verb. That's my story. Love the podcast. Bye. And sometimes a family famous figure is a dog.

10:15Here's Renee from Monterey. Hi, Grammar Girl. This is Renee from Monterey, California. My familek is for the situation when a dog and its owner look similar to each other. Eight years ago, my husband and I were at a dog park. We saw a woman with a wiener dog named Stanley. It would be difficult to appreciate how much this woman and her dog looked alike without seeing them for yourself. I will just say that the resemblance was striking. Ever since then, when we noticed a dog and dog go in a resemblance,

10:46my husband and I call it a Stanley situation. Thank you for your podcast. I learned something new with each one. And here's some equal time for famous cats. Hi, Mignon. This is Stu, and I'm calling some Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania. I wanted to tell you my familek story, which involves a cat that we had when my kids were growing up. Lewis was a very smart and innovative cat. He could overcome any secure door or latch that was presented to him. To keep him out of places he shouldn't be, we would install

11:24additional latches, which became known as lewy latches. To this day, we still use the term lewy latches to mean any additional means to secure doors or drawers. For instance, to keep toddlers out of your cupboards in the kitchen. Hope you have a great day, and thanks for a great podcast. Next, a lot of people call in with a catchphrase from a TV show or movie. For example, their family

12:03will say, not that there's anything wrong with that, from Seinfeld. Now, quoting a show is a way of sharing something with your family, but I'm not sure I'd consider it a familekt because it's not specific to one family. Plenty of families quote Seinfeld. So, I usually don't play those, but if it's taken on a new meaning or been altered in some way, then I think it counts. For example, in one family, when a lid has been closed too tightly, the person trying to open it will shout, who hoped this

12:35closed? And here's another one that qualifies. Hey, Grammar Girl, this is Scott. I was calling with a Familek story. In my family, my wife has got very fair skin and burns very easily. However, I have slightly darker skin, and so usually the joke is I can go out into the sun and not have to wear sunscreen because I'll tan and not really burn. And in our family, my wife has taken to calling me a day walker. This was a reference to the Wesley Snipes movie's Blade about a half-human, half-vampire

13:12who can walk around in the day. So, in our family now, anytime we refer to people who either don't need sunscreen or don't need it as badly because they're going to tan and not get burned immediately when stepping outside, we refer to them as day walkers. So, that's my story, and keep up the great work. The most common kind of Familek seems to come from children who can't pronounce a word yet, and sometimes these get passed down for generations. Here's one that's still going strong in the fourth

13:43generation. Hi, Mignon. This is Karen from Kansas. I wanted to tell you about our Familek. It's huna, and huna is a spoon, and it has always been a spoon. And I found out much later in life that it's because my dear mother, who has been gone for many, many years, couldn't say the word spoon when she was little, so she always called it a huna. So, when I was growing up, it was a huna. And when my children were growing up, it was a huna. And now my grandchildren, guess what, call a spoon

14:17a huna. Thanks. These kid words and other Famileks, too, often lead to another story I hear a lot. People who didn't realize a word was something just used in their family. And here's a great story about that from Becky in Colorado. This is Becky Gallagher from Denver, Colorado, and I've got a Famileks for you. In my childhood home, there was a huge piece of furniture in the kitchen, one that had drawers and cupboards and even a flower bin. We called it the folly. I always spelled that folly, F-O-L-L-E-Y. The rubber bands are in the folly. Get the napkins out of the

14:52folly. Can you get me a glass, a wine glass from the folly? I thought that all similar pieces of furniture were called follies. I would mention the folly in a friend's house or tell someone their folly was like ours or that it was different than ours. It wasn't until I was in my early 20s that I heard the story. My recently married parents took a trip to upstate Maine when my dad was in grad school. My mom went to an estate sale and saw this amazing hutch and bought it for $75. They lived in Oregon at the time. It cost more to package and ship this hutch by train than it did to fight in the first place, the first folly of their marriage. So far, we've been talking about

Friendelects and pop culture slang

15:25families, but familects show up in other close groups, too. Close friends build them, especially friends who feel like a chosen family, and you'll sometimes hear those called friendelects. They work the same way familects do. Knowing the words shows you're part of the group, and it gives you a little status inside it. Here's a friendelect that goes back to some friends' high school days. Hi, Grandma Girl. This is Brian. Love your show. I have a familect story that some friends of mine and I have used since high school. In our German class in high school, we were watching a vocabulary

16:02video that took place in a restaurant with a recurring character named Claudia who was out to eat with her Uncle Stefan. After we watched the video, the teacher of the class was telling us that some part we may have missed was that Uncle Stefan left a very big tip and did this to try to impress Claudia. She said, Uncle Stefan hat das Geld, which means, yeah, Uncle Stefan has the money. Everybody got a

16:36big laugh out of that. And ever since then, my friends and I have always used Uncle Stefan to mean that you're going to pay for someone when we go out together. So sometimes if a friend says, hey, do you want to go out this Wednesday? And you'll say back to them, well, money is a little tight right now, but if Uncle Stefan's going, I'm there. And then our friend knows that means I'll go with you as long as you're picking up the tab. Thanks so much. Love the show. Bye. And people have broken down friend-elects even further. Gamers have what some people call a

17:11lud-elect from the Latin word ludo, which means I play. Again, knowing how the trendsetters in the group talk is a mark of status. Fans have them too, which you could call fan-elects, and these can backfire for people who aren't in the group. For example, in November of 2022, Ticketmaster's site had major problems during the presale for Taylor Swift's Eras tour, and a lot of fans couldn't get tickets. Well, Senator Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut, who has criticized Ticketmaster

17:41since 2009, tweeted that consumers deserve better than this antihero behavior, referencing Antihero, a song from Swift's 2022 album Midnight. Then at a Senate hearing in January 2023, he told a Live Nation executive that Ticketmaster should look in the mirror and say, I'm the problem, it's me, borrowing a line from the chorus of antihero. Some people online loved it, but a lot of people also called it cringey, and one person said the reference went over the heads of almost

18:12everyone in the room anyway. So although fam-elects and the like usually work to help people create and reinforce their bonds, when someone outside a group, like a group of fans, uses their words to try to sound like an insider, the insiders notice, and it can make the outsider look like they're trying too hard. So fam-elects come from people having shared experiences, and they help people show they're in the same group and nurture those bonds. They seed our lives from pop culture, and like regular

18:43language change, we can get them when people mispronounce or misunderstand words. Those might be words that come from an earlier generation that didn't speak our language, or from kids just learning to talk. People have long thought of them as something that happens in families, but they definitely arise among friends and fans and hobby groups too. I've been running your fam-elects stories in the podcast since early 2019. In 2021, I was interviewed for a piece in The Atlantic about fam-elects called Why We Speak More Weirdly at Home, and just last month, the New York Times magazine

19:18had a piece about them called Every Family Has Its Own Private Language. And I love to see the concept getting more widely known. If you have a word about someone who is famous to your family, about some funny experience you shared on vacation, some pop culture reference that has taken on a new meaning, or life of its own, a mystery word from a great grandparent, or something else, I would love to hear your fam-elect and the story behind it to share on the show. You can record it on the voicemail line at 83-321-4-GIRL, or record it from your phone or computer at speakpipe.com

19:54slash grammargirl. Both of those are in the show notes, and it just takes a minute or two, so do it right away while you're thinking about it. Grammar Girl is a Quick and Dirty Tips podcast. Thanks to Morgan Christensen, Rebecca Sebastian, Maram El-Nagib, Stephen Schepanski, Holly Hutchings, Dan Feyerabend, and Nat Hoops, whose favorite TV show ever is Twin Peaks. And I'm Mignon Fogarty, better known as Grammar Girl. That's all. Thanks for listening, and don't forget to like and subscribe.